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Blessings Without Frustration

"We love because He first loved us." 
1 John 4:19
Toby is my sweet horse I rescued five and a half years ago. The people I got him from had rescued him from going to the meat market. He had been severely abused and was terrified. When I first got him I couldn't go into his field without him running to the other end out of fear. We have come such a long way since then, I can do lots of things with him from the ground, but we still have a long journey ahead of us. Even though I have had him almost six years and have showed only love to him he is still ruled by fear much of the time. This past week I have been so frustrated. Frustrated that he doesn't trust me fully, frustrated that I can't ride him. Just frustrated. I would go out to the field, not realizing that I was frustrated, and he would spook at the silliest things- I would leave the field very frustrated. He was picking up on my frustration and it was scaring him. I had lost sight of something very important - just letting Toby be Toby. When I was putting expectations on him and expecting him to act a certain way he could feel that pressure I was putting on him and it wasn't only making him nervous, I was walking away frustrated when he wasn't meeting those expectations! Because of me letting myself be frustrated my dream of having a horse was no fun at all. 
Then I talked to a dear friend and told her of all my frustrations and she told me I needed to let go of my right to be frustrated. At first I had no idea what she meant, then she explained. When I let go of my right to be frustrated with Toby (or anyone) I can learn so much! When I stop putting expectation on him and just let what happens happen, I notice the blessings that have been there all along, but I have been distorting/ruining with my frustration! When I just accept him as he is, knowing I may never be able to ride him and being okay with that, loving him just for who he is, amazing things can happen. Today when I went out to the field to see him, letting go of my frustration and loving him just for being him, seeing him as my precious Toby and not as the horse I can't ride, he was calm and followed me around. I cleaned out his barn and where typically he would stand far away, he stood close, just enjoying my company. Can I tell you how excited I was! I was so happy and content just being with my horse, free of any expectations. 
As I look back and think over all this, I cant help but think of the parallels between Toby and me and us and Jesus. Jesus loves us for just being us. He wants to grow closer to us and He wants us to be all we can be in Him! He doesn't set expectations for us and then get frustrated when we fail, He loves us no matter what. He loves us for just being us. He doesn't use his right to be frustrated, but loves us. He loves us! More than I could ever love my little golden horse, more than anyone could love an object, another person, even a spouse! I am blown away by his great love for us! Romans 5:8 - "But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Christ looks at us and He doesn't see us as failures, even though I know I fail every day, He sees us as His precious children. 
How amazing! When I let go of my frustration I was able to experience the blessing of having Toby, and the blessing of seeing into my Fathers heart through Toby. 
Thank you Lord for my precious Toby!  

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